The dating phase before marriage is one that you should approach intelligently. It is during this period that you should have essential conversations about your future and expectations with your partner. At this point, your focus should be getting to know each other’s ideas, seeing whether you are a fit for each other (not sexually), and noting what you guys will need to work on to have a peaceful and successful marriage.
There are thousands of questions that you can ask during this period, but we have highlighted some of the most important ones below. Therefore, the list below is not exhaustive but rather a good place to start. The truth is that if you spend time asking these questions, they will lead you to other specific questions that will help you.
Now that we have all that out of the way let’s get into the questions!
1. Are you born again?
The first and most important question that should feature in Christian dating is the question of salvation. This is because, as a believer, you must get married to someone who is of a different nature from you. Note that the question of salvation is not one that refers to whether they are good or not. Instead, it is whether they have received the life of Christ or not.
Furthermore, they should be able to recall with some accuracy at what point they made the decision to be saved and how they got saved. This is a fundamental and non-negotiable question
2. Am I the only person you are making this proposition to?
Marriage is exclusive, and you want to be sure that your partner sees it that way. Therefore, ensure that you ask whether they are willing to make an exclusive commitment to you.
3. What is your assignment? What are your goals and dreams?
There are people who have spiritual assignments or goals that are completely opposite to yours, and for that reason, you cannot be together. For instance, if someone never sees themselves leaving a country, perhaps they want to be a politician, but you have a dream to live in another country. Then it is
obvious that your trajectories for life are entirely different, and you could call off the relationship and be just friends. The point is that it is crucial to have these conversations while dating than waiting for it to become a significant problem when you are married.
4. What is your genotype? Are there any health issues I should know about?
Genotype is a significant issue and should be enough to call off a dating relationship. In fact, before it begins, we recommend finding out about the whole genotype thing and determining if it can work. Beyond genotype, you should also ask about possible health challenges that your spouse has and how they have been dealing with them. Knowing this helps you prepare your mind or can be an excellent reason to call off a relationship.
5. What is your idea about money? How do we handle money in the family?
Money is a serious issue that you should properly discuss before you get into marriage. According to one study, money is the most recurrent issue couples argue about. Therefore, having similar ideas on money and how it will work in
your home is vital to a happy and peaceful home. Some of the issues to discuss about money include:
● How do we make money
● How do we divide financial responsibility
● Can the wife earn more than the husband?
● Are we going to disclose how much we earn?
6. What is your idea of sexual purity?
Sexual purity before marriage is a cardinal principle in Christianity. If you intend to please God, you cannot be with a partner who sees nothing wrong with sex and “the likes” before marriage. We include “the likes” because every sexual activity before marriage is inappropriate, even if it is not penetrative sex.
The truth is that every dating couple will go through sexual temptations, and the only way victory can be guaranteed is if both partners work towards resisting and fleeing from them.
7. How do we resolve conflicts?
What do we do when there is a disagreement or misunderstanding? How quickly do we resolve issues? What must we not do even when we are angry? Answering these questions is crucial to ensuring your home is not a battleground. Also, in this arena and others, observing your partner is critical to knowing their actual actions when there is an issue. If they are violent or vengeful, you should take a long pause before deciding to marry them, if you marry them at all.
8. How do I love you?
People have different love languages, and while it is great to study your partner within a relationship to determine their love language, you can also use the dating period to ask questions on how to love them.
Ask questions like:
● What makes you happy?
● When do you feel most satisfied in the relationship?
● What can I do to brighten your mood and day?
● Would you prefer gifts or a vacation together
Be creative and pay attention to their answers, as well as their actions. This will make you a thoughtful lover to them
9. How many children do we have? What is your idea on adoption?
Discuss the issue of children while dating. Discuss everything from the number of children to adoption and parenting style. Being on the same page concerning this prevents conflicts in the future.
10. How do we deal with in-laws and family?
This is an important question that should not be glossed over. Discuss the kind of family you want to have. Will it be one closely related to your extended family or one more “far away”? Will anybody be living with you guys? How often do you intend to visit in-laws?
Again, just like with children, discussing this and agreeing on things minimize conflict in the future
The questions listed above are great conversation starters as you and your partner aim to know each other more and make the life commitment of marriage. As we stated above, they are not all the possible questions you can ask, but they are essential and will lead you to other important ones.